S1E20. Dear Diary…

Each week I wait for something to happen that will become the focus of my post on Friday. I pass on any number of smaller mistakes while I wait for something ‘big’ to happen. It occurred to me that perhaps those little errors deserve their time on stage, too, and so this week I tried to track the ‘little’ things.

Wednesday

This falls into the “can’t walk and chew gum at the same time” category.

I was on my way out the door to get our morning coffee when Sally handed me a cardboard carrier for the cups. I thanked her but hesitated before going out the back door to the car. I knew it  was already warm outside and so I decided to take off my quilted shirt and just wear my t-shirt.

Having left the shirt on the bench next to the back door, I continued to the car, got in, started the engine, and was on my way before I realized that I didn’t have the cardboard carrier with me. I did a u-turn at the stop sign a block from my house and scanned the road as I retraced my route, thinking perhaps I had left it on the roof when I got into the car and it had fallen off.

Nope. And it wasn’t in the driveway, either. I went back into the kitchen and saw it on the counter above the bench where I had left my quilted shirt. Obviously, I had put it there to take off the shirt and forgotten to pick it up again as I left.

Thursday

We are scheduled to move into our new apartment next Wednesday the 26th (see December 12 ‘Happy Box’ here https://tinyurl.com/jwz43sjk) and so I shopped on Amazon to find a non-slip bathtub/shower mat. I found two that Sally might like and emailed her the links so she could pick one. We talked about it for a few minutes and decided on the light gray pebble pattern.

After doing a few other things around the house, I returned to my computer and placed the order. It was less than a minute after I received the confirmation email that I realized I had forgotten to change the item in my cart from ‘dark gray’ to ‘light gray’ as Sally had wanted.  Fortunately, I was able to cancel the original order and get it right the second time around.

Friday

I have no sense of direction and I marvel at those who do. The invention of GPS changed my life for the better.

For me, it’s not a question of finding my way out of a paper bag, but more importantly of learning how to get from point A to point B in our new apartment building.

From the main office, you go down a long hall to reach an elevator. Take it to the 4th floor and our apartment is across the hall and a little to the left. Couldn’t be simpler, right?

When I visualize the location of the elevator on the ground level, I see it on the right-hand side because that is how I approached it when I first learned its location. But when I visualize the elevator on the 4th floor, I see it on the left, probably because it is on my left as I exit the elevator to open the door to our apartment on the right. Try as I might, it doesn’t make any sense to me at all when I try to reverse the 4th floor image in my mind. It just feels wrong.

Clearly, north and south have no meaning for me. It’s all about right and left…and that seems to be determined by my first impressions.

If I want to go from our apartment to the mail room, I need to take that elevator (which is easy enough to find!) and walk down the hall towards the office. If I visualize the ground floor elevator on the right, I will turn left when the door opens and reach my destination. If I visualize the elevator on the 4th floor, though, with the elevator on the left, I will turn right when I reach the ground floor and never reach my destination.

Can you guess which way I turned this morning?

Saturday

Sally: “At some point, I want to put these yard signs in my car so I can return them.”

Me (picking up the signs): “Do you have your keys? We can do it now.”

Sally: “Yes…but that’s not my car.”

Sally’s car is a blue. The car parked in front of us was silver. My car is silver but doesn’t look anything like this one.

I have no clue what made me think I was looking at Sally’s car.

Sunday

We’re moving from the house to the new apartment on Wednesday, so I went over today to install the new bidet we ordered. I got a little past the stop sign a block from our house when I realized I had forgotten to bring the screwdriver and pliers I needed, so I turned around and got them.

I took my time with the installation and only made one mistake when I put 2 holding brackets in upside down…but, seriously, you couldn’t tell it was supposed to be that way from the diagram.

I gathered a variety of things I was taking back to the house, went down the elevator, put them in the back seat…and realized I had forgotten my mask. So I went back up, got the mask, and headed home.

Seven miles later and halfway home, I realized I forgot to take the screwdriver and pliers.  😦

Monday

Well, this is embarrassing. 

We’re moving in two days and most of our stuff is already packed up or at the new apartment. As a result, I’ve been doing almost no cooking here at the house. We eat out a lot and I warm leftovers in a skillet.

This morning I found half a bagel and egg sandwich in the refrigerator. I thought about warming it up in the skillet, but that didn’t seem like it would work, and so I ate it cold…just before realizing that I could have put it in the toaster oven. DOH!

Tuesday

Tomorrow is moving day. We spent the morning at the apartment then came home for dinner and a high school lacrosse game.

I racked up errors throughout the day, turning the wrong way at the apartment, giving wrong answers to Sally’s questions and then realizing a minute later why they were wrong, and generally being irritable.

Welcome to Wayne’s world!

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—Wayne